Beginning or End

A time when whole world was witnessing the many Uprisings of the  Indian Youth in India, from Anna Hazare’s Anti Corruption movement to the Zero Tolerance Movement over Nirbhaya’s rape, I sat amidst 40 others hearing lectures after lecture in a classroom of the size of a Squash court in a campus which had a good football ground, a pair of swings, a lake, a girls hostel and a not so bad 3 storey architecture of 75 meters length to your left and right if you stood at the entrance. Sorry dear college I could only boast this much for your promotions, as these were the only attractions you had in you then.
After long 3 years and 2 months, standing at the beginning of the final stage, some day I don’t remember when and how this happened to me, I questioned myself what am I doing ? Where am I ? What do I want ? Why am I not still serious ?
Its not that I was hearing these questions for the first time, I have been asked the same questions several times by my friends, professors and parents. All of them who cared about me took me aside and asked me the same questions to which I had no answers then.

I did everything in college, participating in almost every events and every seminars, college politics, debates, presentations that took place in my college, the only thing I didn’t do was attending lectures and studying them. If our college had this bio-metric system for attendance at the college gate, then perhaps I would have got the Award for Most Attendance.

That was the reason why my care takers kept asking those questions. And when I asked myself the same, all that started to pop out was ” Did I waste all my dads hard earned money ?”. “No, I haven’t and I never would, because I’m the one who has always bagged the title of being the “Most Responsible” since my childhood, at least I couldn’t ruin that” I told to myself.

When everyone was busy preparing for the few “1 Lucky Placement” opportunities that our college had, all I did was finding answers to those questions. And after long analysis and calculus, I found the answer to the question “to become a good engineer”.

Just few more months, and I’ll have a paper addressing that I successfully completed my 4 years of engineering and can call myself an Engineer, I now realize that I just want to be an Engineer. Scoring 70% throughout some 44 to 45 papers in 4 years, I felt complete zero at the end. I didn’t feel any change in me be it technical, analytical or managerial. I found myself at the same level where I was 4 years back, just after 12th.

With so much confusions on how to proceed further, I stood at the verge of the beginning or the end, I didn’t knew. And all I knew was, I wanted to be an Engineer and I marched forward with same.

So if you haven’t actually asked this to yourself before, do spend time asking it repeatedly to yourself a 100 times, till you don’t get the one thing you want to do or become in life. And don’t just ruin your time like I did, by just swaying around by the atmosphere around you. Hope you decide things soon, Love & Peace to you until my next post.


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